faranim ([info]faranim) wrote,
@ 2007-07-31 18:21:00
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Current mood: hungry

2 months of hell = back to FFXI!
Hey everyone!

So, I wrote up a really long LJ entry at work and forgot to e-mail it to myself so here's a shorter improv version. Nobody likes to read all that junk anyway :) Here's a summary of what's been going on in my life over the past 3 months or so.


1. Work is going good, I got a 5% raise after my 1 year anniversary, which I'm perfectly happy with. Not much else to say about work other than that it gives me lots of money which I can spend to buy new toys. I'm still not sure about changing jobs in the future, but I plan on at least riding this out until I get my Masters degree for free

Speaking of buying new toys, I spent the last few weeks trying to buy a Wii but with no success. I finally caved in and bought one on eBay even though it's a bit over priced. Oh well, can't get a great deal all the time.

2. Classes are also going good. My 8-week summer class is FINALLY over, so my schedule is slightly more relaxed since I only have class on Monday night instead of Mon/Tue/Thurs. Should be getting at least a B in both classes, which is all I care about since nobody looks at your GPA after undergrad.

3. Joined a Gym about 2 months ago. Still don't know what the hell I'm doing when I workout, but I'm seeing results so I'm sticking to it. A co-worker of mine used to be a personal trainer and he promised to help teach me the ropes one day, so hopefully I'll be moving off the machines and onto strictly free weights after a couple training sessions with him. I'm also making great progress because I'm being good about my diet - virtually everything I eat is cooked by me, and I avoid junk foods most of the time (still cheat a bit on weekends). So uh yeah, getting into shape is awesome. A bit late for this summer but I'll definitely be ready for next year :)

4. Social life is picking up, especially now that I'm not a slave to class/homework after work during the week. Usually end up hanging out with friends over the weekend, or taking care of all those other RL chores (cook, clean, laundry, shop, pay bills, yadda yadda). I also play board games with older people whenever they meet (about 1x a week on Friday or Sunday). Thinking about joining a sports team through work but not really sure what my options are (plus I've always sucked at sports).

5. Personal life is a bit complicated but will be getting better soon (I hope). I'm gay (*insert shocking/dramatic music here*) and in the very early stages of coming out to my friends, so it's a bit rough. I figure talking to people on the internet would be a good way to warm up to the concept and see how people react. I still have a hard time bringing up the topic to my friends, especially people I've known for a really long time. And I'm also not sure if/when/how I'll tell my family. In my ideal world, I would have a girlfriend who I would eventually marry and have kids with, but at the same time still be able to have sex with men, and somehow everyone would be OK with the whole situation. I realize that sounds totally weird and something out of a Reality TV show, but I'm pretty sure that's what would truly make me happy. I do want to eventually have kids and live a "normal" life, but I am more attracted to men and I would rather have sex with them (at least for now, while I'm young). I'm just not sure how I'd feel about being in a long term relationship with another guy... I guess only time will tell. I'm taking steps in the right direction, I just need to let things play out a bit more.

Anyway! Now that my class is over I should have more time for FFXI. So expect to see me online a bit more often. And maybe I'll remember to update this thing more than once every 2 months.




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[info]frdrizzt
2007-07-31 11:32 pm UTC (link)
I'm glad the gym/diet is going well for you. I lack the motivation to keep going to the gym. I'd like to build some muscle so I'm not so scrawny, but I don't really have anyone that can go with me in the hours I'm free to go most days. I'm not one of the "just talk to whoever is next to you" kind of people either.

Good job with the classes, I know it's always nice to have some extra time off from them. What is the specific Masters degree your getting anyway?


I can't pretend to know the awkwardness of coming out. What I do know is that despite how tough it is, a few of my friends have mentioned how much better it felt to be true about who they are rather than keep lying about it to everyone, despite negative responses from some people. It's clearly not the most popular thing to say, so you'll have to be ready for some bad reactions from people. The "ideal situation" you described will likely never be socially norm (multiple partners), but you can still raise a family. Just go with what feels right, whether or not it changes down the line will be determined as time goes on.

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(Anonymous)
2007-08-01 03:21 am UTC (link)
hey glad to see your life going well...

-fishie

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[info]simozene
2007-08-01 04:03 am UTC (link)
Can't agree with the title! No way Otakon and your vacation beforehand qualifies as hell! :P

Aside from that I give you tremendous props for being able to speak your mind and come out of the closet. Good for you! :)

You really need a workout partner at the gym. If your friend at work can't go at your time then what you need to do is just start approaching people at the gym and start talking to them and working out with them. Obviously if you're there at the same time to meet them you can also probably arrange for working out together. The way I met Tito was I asked him stuff about working out and eventually he was just like, "stick with me and you'll get big." I've been working out with him for a little over a month and I'm seeing more results than the past 4 months prior to that.

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[info]faranim
2007-08-01 11:30 am UTC (link)
It was Hell because of all the class and homework :(

I try to go to the gym late at night since it's usually much emptier then. I haven't noticed any regulars, plus my schedule is pretty random anyway (I just go on days when I'm not busy, which changes every week). I have too much other crap going on to allow me to setup a better workout schedule. Ideally I'd like to do a M/W/F or Tue/Thurs/Sat split, but something always comes up on at least one of those days which means I can't exactly commit to a fixed schedule.

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(Anonymous)
2007-08-01 01:24 pm UTC (link)
Faranim,

I'm impressed on how open you are about your life, and willing to express uncertainty with everyone (about coming out etc).

I think it's a great step forward that you've let it out in the open on your blog. I'm not going to lie when I say it will be tough telling your friends and parents. People have an image on homosexuality that overshadows anything you want to express about your sexuality to them (parents, friends, etc).

The only thing I can suggest is to be ready for any type of situation or predicament. Show people that homosexuality isn't as bad as some stereotypes and media outlets make it out to be.

Anyways, enough blabbering from me.

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[info]bertonicus
2007-08-01 06:03 pm UTC (link)
good for you jeff!

honestly since i got my tounge pierced people just instantly assume im gay *COUGH* SYLPHET *COUGH*

haha, anyway that takes some serious balls man, im totaly impressed hahah
i hope that everyone you tell expicaly your parents take it well

hope things are going well

~ Bertonicus

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[info]sylphet
2007-08-01 06:36 pm UTC (link)
Oh there goes Simo taking what I said and TWISTING IT AROUND!!!!! I never assumed you were gay even AFTER fake humping my drunk boyfriend's ass!

Wiley lil taru.

and to you Fara!

Grats on coming out :) It takes loads of courage to accept who you are when it doesn't conform to the societal "norm". Hopefully, this will result in you being a happier person in the long run! This also means that Ruke and I both will be hitting on you a lot more. You have been warned. ;D

It'll be good to see you back playing FF again too. Ya know when you've been playing with the same people this long we're less like friends and more like family! Love us or hate us we're there for ya. ^^

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[info]futureperfectxx
2007-08-01 06:08 pm UTC (link)
I think you have tons of courage to post something like this. I'm glad you're doing somewhat better irl. :)
And now, it all makes sense to me why you never accepted my advances! kukukukukkuku

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[info]blackice_btl
2007-08-02 12:15 am UTC (link)
Glad to hear your RL is going great Fara, and I wish the best of luck to you coming out to your family and friends. It's certainly not going to be easy, I witnessed it first hand with a friend of mine for many years and it all ended up working out for him. Sure you might lose some close minded friends over it, but really... they're not that good of friends if that happends.

Hope to see ya back in FF more!

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[info]faranim
2007-08-02 02:29 am UTC (link)
I'm not really worried about peoples reactions. I'm 99% certain that all of my friends and family will understand and be cool with it after the initial shock period.

Really the hardest part is just mustering up the courage to tell people to their face. It's a lot harder than you would think!

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[info]asukakitty
2007-08-02 03:00 am UTC (link)
Faaaraaaa *tackle*

Im glad your rl is going well for you and that your keeping yourself healthy! Ive been following this healthy food diet guide thingy and its really great xD it keeps you in shape healthy and isn't extremely strict or anything, it's pretty cool accept it takes a lot of cooking for the dinners *lazy* *pays you to cook me teh foods*

but as for working out, yeah me and my friend always go together in the mornings, i don't really think we know what were doing either but we do our best and it seems to be working fine so meh!

and good luck with telling your friends and family I think everything will work out great^^ and liek syl said you will defiantly feel happier!

See ya in ff glad you can play again ^^/

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[info]switchstix
2007-08-02 05:55 am UTC (link)
O_O An update!

Congrats on your real life going so smoothly... I greatly envy you right now >_>;

I know where your coming from in terms of coming out and without telling you how to come out here is what I did...
1) Don't force it on anyone. If someone asked me I would tell them... usually people can pick up the gay vibe from me just from being so extroverted and a bit on the flamboyant side.
2) If your having trouble bringing it up with friends, try buttering it up. Don't make it too serious... The more awkward you are with the topic the more awkward it is for your friends because they won't know how to react without upsetting you. If you are happy and upbeat about it then most of the time you will find your friends will be like "Well thats cool" or "Seriously?" and then its more of a conversation starter than anything else (and then you get asked the infamous "How did you know you were gay?" "When did you know?" etc etc etc... lol) Also, if you tell a few friends word will probably get around to most of your other friends as well and makes it a bit easier for you too.
3) On the same note but a completely different scale... Family is something different. You are in an optimal situation though. It's usually very hard for most families to accept the fact that child is gay (See: Me getting kicked out of my house at 16 when my mom found out) and so most times people will tell you that you should only tell your family when they are ready. You are in a spot where you could tell them but there is nothing they could do about it because (from what it seems) you have minimal ties to them other than talking with them and maybe seeing them on a Holiday or 2. If they don't mind your sexuality then your golden. If they don't accept it right away, give it time... (My mom is just now starting to accept me for who I am after almost 6 years of struggling with her).

If you still have difficulty bringing it up with people heres a kinda tacky idea (but I've used it before!) take a picture with you kissing another guy or just really close to another guy if thats too much or get a picture with some guys down at a gay bar. make an album and show your friend... when you get to that picture just make it seem like its nothing "This is me and my friend Shawn." "Are you kissing?" "Yea.. it was actually pretty hot.." or "Yea... you didn't know I was gay?" and go from there. Don't think you have to go to your friends and say "I'm Gay." besides.... thats boring :)

Seriously though if you need any help or anything at all let me know and I'll give ya my contact info.
Best of luck to you~ ^^

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[info]bertonicus
2007-08-02 02:47 pm UTC (link)
i was totaly kidding syl lol

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(Anonymous)
2007-08-02 09:24 pm UTC (link)
post some pictures of these "gym results"

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you
(Anonymous)
2007-08-06 04:14 pm UTC (link)
This is funny, I used to love reading about your exploits while at work, I feel like I should know you because of our similarities. I play on asura, am gay, an electrical engineer working in missile systems. Soon to be heading out to Law school to move into patent law. If you ever feel like you want someone to listen while you go through this time in your life feel free to contact me. jacksrwild@hotmail.com or balayg on yahoo/aim. Good luck coming out!

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