Maybe I was wrong...
Well, ever since my post a few days ago I've been second guessing myself about what it is that I really want. I think I'm going through a phase in my life that most "normal" people go through in high school. I guess that makes me a bit of a late bloomer, but I want to get this thing figured out. I'm going to be revealing a lot of information about myself, much of which I am somewhat embarassed/ashamed about, however I feel that this would be a good way to get answers to the many questions I have running through my head right now.



So, let's go back to the very beginning. Somewhere in Middle / High school people go through puberty. Usually around this time, "normal" people begin to date, hook up, explore their sexuality, attempt sex, etc. However, I was never one of those people. I was a giant nerd, and not particularly attractive (braces, glasses, the whole deal). I had horrible social skills and not a whole lot of friends in school. The handful of friends I did have I was very close to, but most other people I talked to in school were more like acquaintances. I'm not sure if I ever had a high school "crush." There are plenty of guys and girls I can remember from high school who I thought were attractive, for various reasons (appearance, personality, or otherwise).

Then College happened. Most other freshman in college had already been drinking alcohol since high school, as well as having sex. I had never done either of those. In fact, I had never even kissed anyone in high school (nor had any burning desire to kiss anybody). I went through college mostly the same way. I didn't have a whole lot of friends, and I was busy with my classes and FFXI that I didn't have much of a social life. I didn't have any real desire to see other people either, I was perfectly content to be non-social and play video games all day in my dorm room. Looking back now, this was most likely due to low testosterone levels and lack of a sex drive.

Now, a little over a year out of college, things are different. I got a job, am making decent money, live in a house with a cool roommate, have a couple of close friends, and am socially active. I joined a gym and am improving my physical appearance. The only missing piece of the puzzle is physical intimacy which I have never experienced before in my entire life. Now I'm finally trying to find it, but I'm confused about where to start, what I'm really looking for, and what to expect. Maybe I'm just expecting too much. Maybe I'm just completely inexperienced. But I'm definitely confused.

I cannot deny that I find other men physically attractive. I would have absolutely no problem waking up in the morning with hot guy in bed with me. Then again, I wouldn't have a problem waking up with a hot girl in bed with me either. But I think the guy would turn me on more. Does that make me gay / bi? I really have no clue.